I worked as a teaching intern in a neighborhood secondary school right after my ‘A’ levels. It was really something I anticipated as I thought this would give me much perspective into a possible teaching career in the future. Because it was the long holiday break after ‘A’ levels, many JC graduates also came and worked part-time as relief teachers in secondary schools. Hence, I was not surprised to see five other young teachers in the school I was posted to. They all came in earlier than me and had all gotten to know each other quite well before my arrival. I even knew one or two of them as they came from the same secondary school as I did. Nonetheless, it was still easy for me to fit in and I was rather comfortable mingling with the students and teachers alike. The young teachers would usually eat together during lunch and whenever we had lunch, I would listen more than talk because I was really exhausted from all the teaching in the early mornings.
Then, another teaching intern joined us and she was able to get along well with us too. After about three months of teaching, I started falling ill and when I consulted a doctor, he advised me to take a break from the hectic routine and concentrate on getting well first. I was alarmed by the seriousness of this and immediately asked for leave. The next day I went to school and informed my friends and the teachers that I’ll be taking a week long break and apologized for all the work I left behind for the other teaching intern who now shared my workload. All of them were fine with this arrangement and asked me not to worry. During that week that I was away, I messaged the other teaching intern to ask how everyone is coping and she reassured that all is fine and told me to get well soon. It was only when I returned to school did I realize that NOTHING was fine.
So the next Monday I returned to work and it suddenly dawned on me that all the young teachers were either averting their eyes away from me or pointedly ignoring me. I thought it was probably just Monday blues and went about doing my work. But the feeling that something was wrong quickly gripped me and I knew I had to ask someone about it. It was only when I consulted a young teacher who was closer to me did I realize that something was amiss. Apparently, another young teacher thought I was being irresponsible for leaving just like that and told many people that, coupled with the fact that I was from a rather prestigious junior college, said that I was probably always looking down on them and had no interest in being around with them. The young teacher whom I consulted also told me that the other person always felt jealous that I graduated from the same secondary school as her but ended up in a better JC and hence leading ‘a better life’ right now. I thought that was rather ridiculous but at that moment in time, I was distraught. Everyone chose to believe her and was thoroughly against me as I was unable to retort during that week that I was away. In retrospect, I also realized that that other person got along much better with the other teaching intern than with me. What do you suggest I do then?
Oh mine, mine oh, dear Jac; what a most compromosing situation you were in.
ReplyDeleteThere are a few questions that can be asked here: Why in the world are the other teaching interns so bitchy, childish, immature? Also why in the world must you react and feel alienation from them at all; because by your feeling this way, you have allowed them to have a stronghold on your mind/psyche/spirit? You are allowing them to see that their ignoring you is really taking effect and making you uncomfortable; and that will only make them satisfied or 'victorious'? Or didnt you see that you are probably feeding their intentions by feeding your natural fight-and-flight system defense to react in the manner that they want you to feel hurt and estrangement?
So rather than tackling the issues of others' which you have lesser control over, I suggest you do not ask about what is wrong with the other interns; rather you ask what is wrong with yourself by asking how you can make yourself feel better about yourself and others, and you do this by NOT GIVING IN TO YOUR NATURAL TENDENCY TO THINK THE WORST IN OTHERS' INTENTIONS. AND EVEN IF YOU DO COME TO IT, YOU HAVE TO LEARNT TO TRY TO TURN IT AROUND INTO SOMETHING POSITIVE SUCH AS A MOTIVATION OR CHALLENGE AND TAKE THAT JUDGEMENT THEY HAVE AGAINST YOU AGAINST THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So that Jac, in the end they lose (for engaging in unwholesome sport) and you win. But it will appear that you lose on the surface of appearance because you might seem to be passively taking it all in and not doing anything in the form of retorting or responding to their accusations and charges about you. But no! It isn't the case Jac! When you dont fight back, THAT IS WHEN YOU WIN!!!!!!! If you try to respond and fight their charges, or ALLOW yourself to feel that their charges are disrupting your mood and feelings, YOU LOSE!!!!!! That is the rule of life, Jac, and I'm sure you read or know about it in other forms than my writing here.
The biblical verse that most explains this noble non-defensive virtue/ethic is this:
"If someone slaps you on one cheek, offer the other cheek also. If someone demands your coat, offer your shirt also." Luke 6:29
You see Jac, I am not talking about some baseless principle of life and living; I am giving you the actual biblical evidence so that you may not accuse me of artifice but rather see only the best in my intentions.
So Jac, as per the verse, if other interns call for you death, you volunteer to die instead. What does that mean? If other interns want your resignation, you volunteer to resign!!!! If other interns ignore and gossip about you, allow them their space to continue doing so in their ignorance, because you know more than them Jac. You know that flashing arrogance and displeasure by gossip is A LOSE SITUATION, NOT A GAIN OR WIN SITUATION, because they are ENGAGING IN UNWHOLESOME OR NEGATIVE ACTIVITY, and it WILL DO THEIR SOULS/MINDS/PSYCHES/SPIRITS HARM THAT THEY THEMSELVE CANNOT SEE BUT YOU CAN---because you know about my biblical admonishment above as well as everything I said to you here.
As to why gossiping and engaging in bitchiness and the like are bad for our minds/souls/spirits/psyches; I have no time or space to write it here, so forgive me for being unable to explain to you why you should not yourself gossip/bitchy or be AFFECTED by others' gossip/bitchy. The only thing I say that these things does to your minds/souls/psyches is that is diminishes the quality of your life----which is joy, peace, patience, love, understanding, forgivinesss and a whole long list!!
Cheers
Also Jac in relation to the above argument made by me above, the strongest people in this world are not those physically; rather they are those mental or mind freaks! Because the physical is controlled by the mental/mind/soul/spirit/nature/psyche, and in fact physical strength should rightly be overlooked completely!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteThat is why Jac; the strongest people therefore are those people who do not even need to use interpersonal communication to get over a misunderstanding or conflict, BECAUSE THEY WILL SEE NO CONFLICT AT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do you understand what I mean Jac? Let me explain:
Take yourself for example, you WERE SO ABLE TO PERCEIVE THAT OTHERS WERE ALIENATING/JUDGING/OSTRACISING YOU, am I right? But what I'm saying, Jac, is that if you were one of those strongest people that I mentioned above, you would NOT EVEN BE ABLE TO SEE THAT OTHERS ARE ALIENATING/JUDGING/OSTRACISING YOU, AND THEREFORE PERCEIVE NO CONFLICT AT ALL. YOU WILL THEN ALSO NOT NEED TO USE ANY INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION!! You, Jac, will then be the most blessed person on earth, because your mind is JUST SO PURE AND THEREFORE STRONG!!!!! A pure mind is an UNDEFILED and therefore POSITIVE AND STRONG MIND.
That sort of mind is seen in only 1 type of humans in this world: children under the age of about 10. However, I'm not saying that it is ever wrong to perceive danger/bad/ill in others' intentions; rather I am asking you to practice moderation!!!! Because perfection in any area of life is MODERATION!!! You cannot be totally unaware that the other interns are mocking or displaying their displeasure towards you; you simply cannot afford to do that I know. Because interpersonal communication is also about being aware of your environment and sensitive to people's emotions and feelings, and if you only have a pure and strong mind to the exclusion of others and your environment, that is detrimental to your well-being and success in life in any sphere. So, Jac, be sensitive and therefore apply your interpersonal communication skills, but at the same time, know when you might have been over-sensitive! Always give the benefit of the doubt in others, if only because it will be good for your mind/soul/spirit/psyche.
If you want any interpersonal advice, I would say you do not defend yourself in SPEECH AT ALL!!!!!!!! Rather defend yourself in ACTIONS!! Show them your love and care and concern. For instance if you know that one of your interns has a date with her bf in the evening, VOLUNTEER to replace her for the evening class WITHOUT SAYING A SINGLE WORD TO HER. Show only your action and you would have shown your love and care and concern, and that will speak louder than any of the words you say you think will convince them of your innocence. In fact, I would say you even charge yourself with selecting the gift of the date your intern friend wants to buy for her bf. That is love-in-action, and its stronger than any interpersonal communication (verbally or nonverbally) you can ever demonstrate.
Cheers
That is
Dear Jac,
ReplyDeleteGiven such a situation, I don't think there is much you could have done to prevent this from happening. But what you could have done was probably just be kind to everyone.
You don't have to be bitter because it is not something you could have helped. When you're genuinely nice and kind towards your fellow relief teachers, I feel that they will eventually sense the goodness in you and decide for themselves what sort of person you really are. What is important is not to "bitch" back. I always believe to not do unto others what you don't want others to do to you.
I believe such office politics are everywhere, whether in schools or in the corporate world. You just have to deal with the situation appropriately. I know this is easier said than done and probably too idealistic to some. But as long as your conscience is clear, you'll be able to sleep well.
Hope my comments are helpful.
Mmm yes I agree. And guess what? I chose to quit after all that. I still felt hurt by what they did cuz I believed I did nothing wrong and by what Mich said, my conscience is clear=). So yes I chose not to put myself in an unhappy situation and left.
ReplyDeleteThe funny thing was one of the young teachers actually apologised to me after I left and that kind of made me feel better. Yes so I do believe that there is a silver lining to that dark cloud. Thanks for the comments!
Wow, this does sound serious. I feel that the teachers have treated you unfairly by listening to the one who bad-mouthed you, without first objectively evaluating the authenticity of her hurtful words. Although I have never been in this situation before, please allow me to give my 2 cents’ worth on a possible solution.
ReplyDeleteFirstly, from reading the articles which Brad gave us regarding Emotional Intelligence, I would recommend not blaming that young teacher for destroying your reputation. Although she is at fault, and being angry and upset is perfectly justifiable, blaming her would simply worsen those negative feelings. I think that it would be wise to instead focus on the problematic situation and the negative feelings which are running through your mind and figure out a way to deal with them. I would also recommend trying to find a silver lining in this dark cloud which you are in. Although such positive thinking is understandably difficult, thinking positively will help improve your mood and prevent your day from being ruined by negative thinking.
I’m not sure if the following is practical in your case, but if it is, I would recommend talking to the teacher who bad mouthed you. When you talk to her, it is important to exercise the utmost care in controlling your emotions and your words (understandably difficult of course) so that you do not come across as too angry and aggressive in your behavior towards her. If you did, you most likely upset her and make matters worse. Being calm and controlled during your conversation with her would allow you to get your message across effectively and prevent antagonizing her even further. During the conversation, I think it is important to communicate friendliness and openness to her in a non-verbal and/or verbal manner. I think you could let her know that you do not look down on her or the other teachers and you could impress upon her your view that the prestige of one’s JC is irrelevant as the worth of a human life is dependent on more significant things. Also you could explain clearly that you had no choice but to leave due to your sickness being severe. In addition you could also highlight the fact that the other teachers were fine with you leaving your work behind. Hopefully this would make her see that she has misjudged you.
Restoring your friendship with the other teachers would be challenging as they are all avoiding you. However, it could be possible to win them back one by one, or as many as you can. Like Michelle said, I think being nice and helpful to the other teachers would be critically important, even though they have treated you unfairly by avoiding you. By being nice, you are showing them that you are actually a nice person, and that teacher who bad-mouthed you was very much in the wrong. Maybe by being nice and by going the extra mile to help them, they might eventually warm up to you again and be your friends?
Lastly, in my opinion, you could place yourself in the shoes of the teacher who bad mouthed you. Analyze your life from her perspective. Was there something you did which you unknowingly communicated to her that you look down on those who came from “non prestigious” JCs? Of course I do agree with you that you were extremely unjustly treated by her and she is the one at fault. Also I am sure you do not look down on those who came from “non prestigious” JCs. However, sometimes we may unconsciously give people a wrong impression of who we are or what we believe. This happens to me too. Hence if she has any misunderstandings about you, it might be wise for you to clear them up. If appropriate, you may choose to apologize to remove any ill feelings that she has towards you. You might even gain a new friend! =)
That’s basically my two cents worth. Sorry for writing such a long post haha.
Hi Jac,
ReplyDeleteJust before I sleep, I'll want to point out that office politics happen everywhere. And in the future, it will happen again. Should you encounter a similar situation again, here are some steps I feel that may help:
First, critically evaluate yourself. Is there any element of truth in whatever the people outside are saying? If there is even a trace amount of truth in their accusations against you, perhaps some adjustments have to be made to the way you behave and some apologies to be made. But in the case where the basis of their accusation is malice or misunderstandings throw their unkind words to the wind, because you have kept a clear conscience. As such, being angry with them will only trap you.
Next, you can continue to use your actions to show your stand. In this case where people think you are looking down on them, serve them more with humility. Going out of the way to offer them help (when they are really in need) will convey a stronger message than a letter of a thousand words.
Lastly, as Jon has said very appropriately, win them back one by one. Start with the ones who are closer to you, and show them how much they have misunderstood Jac!
Anwyay, I can't really believe that happened to you. Makes no sense to me how your friends had judged you so easily,since you're such an easy going person. Well, tough luck! Haha.. Hope you're over this incident, and are prepared for more that will be coming up in the working world.
You should know where you stand and whether you are doing the right thing. Don’t be afraid of what they think of you and continue to do your job well. It is difficult to be away from work for so long without affecting your colleagues. When you are sick, you should constantly call back to check on the things you are responsible for. In addition, you should empathise with how they feel at that point in time and have the courage and motivation to clarify yourself in front of your colleagues. To avoid such misunderstandings, you should build and maintain a healthy working relationship with them and be socially aware of your environment. For instance, during lunch, you should engage in banter with them and perhaps take the initiative to organise outings after work.
ReplyDeleteCheers!
Hi Jac,it was really sad to see that office politics has once again occurred. I agree with what Edwin said about evaluating yourself before bringing yourself down. The teacher could have misinterpret some of your body language e.g. only listening during lunch time and may have misunderstood you as being aloof. If you feel that you had not done anything wrong, I think it would be good start by approaching that teacher. Perhaps even invite her to lunch and treat her to a meal yet at the same time find out what has caused her to misunderstand your intentions(if any). If all else fails, I think it would be better to just move on and not let this incident bring you down anymore.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Jac, for sharing this richly detailed description of the problem scenario. What it lacks in the area of conciseness it makes up with fine language use and a clear rendering of events. Good work!
ReplyDeleteAs a teacher, I am sorry that your first foray into teaching digressed into such hostility, but as Edwin mentions, office politics can and do occur everywhere you find human interaction. What seems sad about this case is that you were actually sick!
Still, I'm especially impressed by the wealth of feedback you've gotten for this effort, all of it good advice. I look forward to hearing how you resolved the issue.
There are some minor language issues that you might consider:
a) The next day I went to school and informed my friends and the teachers that I’ll be taking a week long break and apologized for all the work I left behind for the other teaching intern who now shared my workload. >>> The next day I went to school and informed my friends and the teachers that I WOULD be taking a week long break, and I apologized for all the work I left behind for the other teaching intern who now shared my workload.
b) During that week that I was away, I messaged the other teaching intern to ask how everyone is coping and she reassured that all is fine and told me to get well soon. >>>
During that week that I was away, I messaged the other teaching intern to ask how everyone WAS coping and she reassured me that all WAS fine and told me to get well soon.
c) It was only when I returned to school did I realize that NOTHING was fine. >>> It was only when I returned to school THAT I realizeD that "nothing" was fine.
d) Apparently, another young teacher thought I was being irresponsible for leaving just like that and told many people that, coupled with the fact that I was from a rather prestigious junior college, said that I was probably always looking down on them and had no interest in being around with them. >>> ? (sentence structure)
In any case, I really appreciate your effort, and I look forward to reading more of your writing.
Yes I agree with all of you that office politics is inevitable. I think what is important for me now would be to move on. I actually wrote an email to that person a few months after the incident and I apologised for anything that I might have done wrong. Apparently it didn't work as she started posting on facebook that I was pestering her and this just added oil to fire.
ReplyDeleteI was rather annoyed at what she did but I guess there was nothing else I could do so I decided to let time heal and basically, forget about this situation.
HAHA but guess what? She is now in the same school AND in the same major as I am. So basically I see her EVERYDAY. And everytime I see her, the pain that she inflicted on me in the past just seems to hurt even more. Oh well.
Hi Jac, I think I'm a little late with the comments, but I'll plow through anyway. =)
ReplyDeleteAs with Brad, I'm sorry that you had to endure such a ridiculous situation in your first foray into teaching. Sadly, office politics do happen and like it or not, we’re all involved one way or another. It’s sad but true that having a higher ‘status’, whether it comes from having a rich family, coming from a more prestigious school, or even having better grades, can raise petty jealousy in many people. If you don’t mind, here is some advice that I can give you.
Firstly, perhaps you can try and confront this person about the matter. Finding out the reason behind this baseless attack would be to your advantage, since you’d be able to change if there really was a valid reason, or if there wasn’t, it would make her petty nature apparent to the rest.
Secondly, I don’t think you should have quit, for it could be taken as an admission of ‘guilt’ to the people that she has managed to persuade. Perhaps you could have persevered on, since from your story it seems like you had at least one ally.
That being said, I’m very curious about the identity of this girl. Maybe you could point her out to me in class someday? =P
Cheers,
Jake
Thanks for the advice Jake! Well I did ask the person directly but unfortunately, it did not work=(. And yes I did consider the admission of 'guilt' part before quitting, but I thought that since my conscience was clear, there was nothing to worry about. I just did not like the idea of her spreading false rumours about me and since talking did not work, I guess there was really no point in me staying in that unhappy place.
ReplyDeleteHAHA about WHO that person is, I guess I should still keep that under covers. Sorry Jake (I know you are curious!) but I guess one person hurt here is more than enough=)